Tuesday, December 2, 2008

For the past night, I've been dwelling over the past. Again and again. Oh dook, why do I have to dwell over it again and again? I'm sick and tired of everything. I'm trying to forget, but yet I can't forgive. I'm trying so hard to forgive, and to forget, but I just can't. Eventhough it happened long months ago.

You meant to me, you meant to me a lot. The whole world. You were the best thing that God has ever created. But with you, not beside me, is the last thing I would imagine, but things can happen right? I'm sure, you'll do fine without me. Everyone likes you. having you in their lives is the bestest thing that can ever happen.

I'm such a sucker to not fight back.

I know, you will not, never give me any reasons or excuses. You left without any say or do. I know, things will never be the same again. I'm sorry if you were ever hurt by whatever I said or do, things can happen right?

I miss your hellos, your waves, your texts, and your sexy voice. I wonder, since it has been months, do you remember the note I gave you? Do you remember the peanuts that you owed me? Do you remember those little things, we used to do, that meant a lot to me, that reminds me of you? Everything. These little things, always make me go down when I think about it. These little things that always made me hard to forget. Everyday I open my cupboard and the first thing I see is the item you gave me. Everytime I look at it, it's as if like my pumping heart was going to fall. Fall because I realized I've lost someone that really meant to me. How I regret. Just as I almost moved on with a little bit of hope that theres a lil bit of affection remain for me until one day you realize it.

You lied. But I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you. I lied all the time too. But never to you. But why does this thing still goes on and on haunting my life? Why did you said those words that've made me fallen for you. You should have just let me live clueless in your lies. I wish I never knew and now that I do the only thing I can feel is sore. I tried everything I could to get your attention.

You threw me away, you did what you think was right, and it was clearly wrong and self centered. Maybe she's better than I was. Indeed, I wouldn't be as great as her.
I just want you to know, that though everythings done, and we might just not be the same like the past, and we might no talk like how we used to, but i will never forget about the boy who melts my heart, and made me fallen head over heels. You're on my heart, just like a tattoo~

I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble. I'm just so helpless ;(
I hope you'll be happy, you deserve someone way better than I am.

So Heres to you baby,

I know you like letters, so here’s a few.
I’ve never felt better than, when I was with you.
But you do what you have to, and I waited for you, too.
Because you're gonna laugh through this, its not me leaving you.
I will never forget, all the fun we had.
Every time I think about it, it makes me feel so sad.
I think about your pretty face, laughing about a joke.
But my pain grows more, when I think how my heart broke.
Did I even mean anything to you?
Or was I just a toy for you to subdue?
I don't even know anymore the real me.
When I look in the mirror I cant understand
what and who I see.
Now it’s my turn to feel nothing inside.
Not a touch of remorse when I wave you goodbye.
Because this doesn’t hurt you as much as it should.
But it will hurt me, because I lost something good.
I know that I meant nothing, i gave nothing true.
If this is as shallow, as pointless to you.
Maybe you lied, you felt nothing inside.
But I was sincere with my heart, and I tried.

(stolen from a blog that I hopped on, can't remember who's)

I hope some day, you wake up and open your eyes. I wont stop here, this is just the beginning of an ending :)

And for the past few days, I've learnt so many things from that someone, a friend of mine. I could tell him everything. I never told anyone about my inner feelings. Not even Pupu, sorry. For the past few days, I've been so secretive. People keep asking me, "Who's that? Who you talking about?" Darlings, it's not that I don't trust you or what, it's just, some things are better kept secret. Way better. Some things are better kept to myself.

If I would want to share it with someone, I'd share it with someone who has, and is going through the same problem as what I am facing now. It's easier for me to pour my heart out, speak my heart out. Rather than me just replying with a, "Oh, nobody, no one, just feel like posting it like that."

And to the Friend who had been staying up late, talking to me, telling me stuff, and all, thank you :) For listening, giving me advises, and telling me lame jokes that I can hardly ever udnerstand. You're a great guy, I think, a girl that doesn't notice you, suffered from a big loss. I hope you find your girl very soon k? You're a wonderful friend, I hope you don't disappoint me like how others do. You know who you are. Please stay anonymous.

love always,


1 comment:

--BluEpaNDa-- said...

0.0 eh....why only Pipi posting only?? Pupu????